Decode the Deadliest Joke in the Universe

OUTLINE: Each puzzle gives you the start of a joke - and if you solve it you find the punchline elsewhere in the book. Once you have solved every puzzle correctly, you get the information you need to decode the deadliest joke in the universe.

HELP: Ooops!....If you have an early printing of this book (the cover does NOT have the "Killer Puzzles" logo on it and on the inside title page under "All rights reserved" the numbers go right from 10 - 1) then there were one or two mistakes. On page 52, the clock is not drawn correctly - so I'll tell you the answer should be 9.55. Page 44 you have to add up the odd numbers and take them away from the evens!

CODE: In case you're really stuck, the pages with the fake punchlines are 11,25,56,73.

Find the Phantom of Ghastly Castle

OUTLINE: You start at the gates of Ghastly Castle. As you solve the puzzles you are taken through the different rooms of the castle including the secret lake, the catacombs and the laboratory. As you go along you have to build up a map of the entire castle and eventually you will find there is one room that you cannot get to. This is the room that contains the Phantom! You won't be able to see it by flicking through the book, but when you have solved all the puzzles AND discovered the haunted room, you will find how you can actually see the phantom right there on the page!

HELP: Ooops!....Again the early prints were not perfect. If your copy does not have the "KILLER PUZZLES" logo on it, then the text on page 8 is misleading, obviously the gates are NOT portcullises, but don't let that worry you.

The big secret of this book is to look at page 87 and find how to decipher Goblin code. There are lots of hints using the code dotted around the castle. Two more points...you CAN get to the Grey Bedroom through the hole in the belfry wall, and in the catacombs (Pages 40-41) you should NOT be able to reach the pass key or the upper right doorway from any of the other entrances. Sadly in some copies the printing going over the centre of the page does not make the maze as clear as it could be.

The Attack of the Killer Puzzles

OUTLINE: Solve the puzzles and work your way around the book - but if you go wrong you are instructed to punish yourself. Of course you're hardly likely to do things such as tipping cornflakes into your pants if no-one is watching you are you? However... once you've solved every puzzle the book tells you how to sabotage it so that nobody else can complete it! You then pass it over to your worst enemies and make sure that THEY DO suffer all the forfeits!

HINTS: All right, this book IS tough and if it wasn't for the razor brained Tracey at the publisher's, I doubt I'd have been allowed to get away with it! Here are one or two answers to particularily nasty puzzles - there are 56 fish in the frog/lily pond on page 75 - there are 66 circles on page 81 - the cheapest clown outfit on page 63 costs £32. Also- notice which way the stripes go on the bases of the Pongy Pyramids!

SOLUTION: I've had the most fantastic range of messages from all around the world about this book - frantic, rude, begging, weeping, bribing, furious, indignant - and so I've decided to put people out of their misery. (Do please still keep contacting me though!) Here is the order in which the pages should be visited. You'll still have to work out the message yourself!

Please note that there are some pages you DON'T visit - so in particular, don't bother asking how you're supposed to get an answer from page 86!

Titus O'Skinty's Gruesome Game Show

OUTLINE: Originally this idea was a spoof t.v. format whereby a really obnoxious host presents the most humiliating games for SMUG TV. Sadly this sort of thing has become too close to the truth to be on telly, and so I made it into a book instead. If you get the puzzles right you'll avoid the maggot spray and the turgid bathwater and finally discover the mystery star prize... oooh whatever could it be? This book especially leaps to life thanks to some fabulously funny pictures by the artist Chris Fisher.

HELP: Only one hint has been requested so far, so here it is: Page 87 - start on the "R" just below the crow and move round 9 places to the "U" continue from there!